Something written by me..a long time ago..

I can’t take back my hurtful words
To undo the hurt I’ve done
but I’d trade my soul to do so
and to undo the final goodbyes we’ve made
just so we can go on pretending we’re perfect and so I can love you.

I wish I could be totally honest
without regretting it and covering it up
with another one of my pitiful lies
that I’ve prepared in my head just for you.

Do I feel so lonely and wishful because you’re truly gone?
Because I really did do all of this; I did.
And you’d be happy to remind me over and over again:
that this is entirely MY fault.

But before you, I’d never been so desperate
to spend every night on my cold floor crying
because staying with you is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made
but the best thing I’ve ever experienced.

And I’m terribly sorry.
I’m getting what I deserve though; a river of endless tears.
Maybe it’s just going to remind me I’m alive
Even though without you, I’m merely a torpid body with a broken soul.

But don’t offer your forgiveness to me
Because I feel so worthless and useless right now.
And my every thought is of you and me.
So I’m not of any use to anyone right now.

And I know tonight is only the beginning of the madness
because tomorrow, I wake up and lie; to you, to myself, to everyone.
I don’t want to burden others with my grief stricken heart.
Because people already swear I’m crazy and nonsensical.

I’d rather be here alone, waiting for you to call
than somewhere else faking a laugh or a smile.
Even though I hate crying, you make it feel good.
Like it’s a new way of life; to just cry.

And we try tons of times to make it work
and each time we separate it’s hard as hell to leave you
because what happens when you meet the girl of your dreams
and you forget about little, spastic, desperately in love with you, me.

When I hear you speak next time, I’ll listen to you
to your every word for some ray of hope.
That you lay at home drowning in your tears and scared
that I’ll never come back to try once more.

And now you have left me with cuts in my skin
and holes in my heart that I deserve now
because now I am just like you are; cold and heartless.
And the struggle for one more breath is a fight I don’t want to win.

7/17/2006 6:46:21 PM

7/1/2006 11:43:10 AM

0/5000 characters

Security Code

Enter Code *